


Sorry

by OfficialStarsandGutters



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Implied abuse, M/M, Teenlock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-14
Updated: 2015-05-14
Packaged: 2018-03-30 14:16:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3939934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OfficialStarsandGutters/pseuds/OfficialStarsandGutters
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Richard is a warm summer breeze and the sweet scent of flowers on the spring air, and Severin sees Jim, sees the damage and the darkness there, but he does not believe such things exist in Richard, can not comprehend how Richard could be how he is with the same destructive past as Jim.<br/>What Severin fails to realise is that Richard is just much better at hiding it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sorry

**Author's Note:**

> I realised that I've never really portrayed the effects Richard experiences as a victim of abuse (verbal/physical from his father, verbal/emotional from Jim). While I picture Richard as a sensitive person who feels a full spectrum of emotion and, unlike Jim, can express them a lot more healthily, I also see him as someone very strong, who has some of Jim's pride, and therefore he tends to keep his weaknesses and breakdowns to himself. I just wanted to examine those aspects of him.  
> This is quick, a little self indulgent, and by no means perfect.

Richard is sweet and precious and so adorable it makes Severin's chest ache to look at him. Richard's hugs are warm and safe, his kisses are either soft and sweet, or firm and burning. His fingers in Severin's hair are love and comfort. His palm against Severin's is protection and promise; I am here, I am by your side, I am not leaving. Every inch of him is perfect and Severin is so full of love for this beautiful boy that it makes him want to burst, makes it worth risking his father's anger and his brother's scorn, makes it worth any consequences.

Richard is a warm summer breeze and the sweet scent of flowers on the spring air, and Severin sees Jim, sees the damage and the darkness there, but he does not believe such things exist in Richard, can not comprehend how Richard could be how he is with the same destructive past as Jim.

What Severin fails to realise is that Richard is just much better at hiding it.

*

“Rin, the fuck are my trainers?” Sebastian's voice is loud, booming, bouncing down the hall and forcefully entering their room. It is nothing new to him. He is used to his brother's loudness and anger. He is not used to the way Richard stiffens against his side, the way every muscle goes tense, his breathing stops, his lip quivers.

“Why would I know?”

“Thought maybe you lifted them.” Sebastian enters the room without knocking. He does a lap around them, knocking things around in his search but always replacing them perfectly. “Haven't seen them?”

“No.”

Sebastian sighs. He does another lap. He drops to his stomach and wriggles under his bed.

“Aha!” When he rises, the trainers are held victoriously in his hand. “Coming for a run?”

“I'll go later.”

Sebastian glances at Richard, who has remained silent and still by Severin's side. His eyes are in his lap. His hands are folded one on top of the other, and the knuckles are white. Severin waits for Sebastian's departure before he turns to him.

“Are you alright?”

“Fine.” Richard smiles. It does not reach his eyes. Severin does not push the subject further; he is afraid of what Richard will say.

*

The first night Richard stays with him, Sebastian is at Victor's, so they have the room to themselves. They build a fort on the couch, order Dominos (Richard is excited and delighted by the online ordering system), and spend the day cuddling and watching films. Severin does not remember the last time he was so happy. Richard is warm and soft at his side. His little belly is swollen beneath his shirt from the food (“I'm so full I'm going to burst and die but it's so good I just want to keep eating.”), and Severin absently rubs circles over it as Richard nuzzles into his neck.

“Are you having a good time?”

“I'm have the best best best time.” Richard smiles up at him, and his whole face brightens, his eyes crinkling at the corners. He is so beautiful.

“Good.” Severin kisses his forehead.

Then, because he cannot help himself; his cheeks, his nose, his soft pink lips. Richard giggles beneath him, before pressing back into it, and what was only meant to be a series of pecks turns into a heated kissing session. Richard pushes Severin onto his back, shifting his body over him. His head bumps the sheet, which tugs and tumbles one of their support cushions. Their fort falls in around them.

“Oh no!” Severin gasps, playing deeply wounded by this offence. There is a teasing note of reprimand to his voice. “What have you done?”

“Sorry.” The word comes softer than he expected, and he just catches the small tremble to Richard's voice. Beneath the sheet they are trapped in darkness. He cannot see Richard, but he hears the quiet inhale that has a ragged edge. “I didn't mean to.”

Severin digs his way out, then gently moves the sheet back to free Richard. Their eyes meet briefly. Richard's are big and round, almost frightened; they drop immediately when Severin's gaze lands on them. His nails are at his wrist, lightly scratching at the bone. The relaxed softness of his body is gone; he is all stiff tension now, as if bracing himself, and Severin feels his chest constrict in confused pain.

“'M really sorry,” Richard murmurs to his knees.

“Hey.” Severin uses his knuckle to lightly tilt Richard's chin up. Richard still doesn't meet his eye. “I was just teasing, Richie. It's fine. It's easy to build up again, and besides, it's the last thing I care about when I'm kissing you.”

Those dark brown eyes finally flick up. The corner of Richard's mouth twitches, but doesn't quite make it to a smile.

“I'll just have to give you lots of kisses to make up for it then,” he says with a tone of seriousness. Severin laughs.

“You don't have to make anything up to me.” He brushes a strand of hair from Richard's eyes. “But I will never turn down your kisses.”

Richard smiles.

*

“ _Richie._ ” It is more an exhale than anything. Severin's breathing is coming in shallow pants. Every inch of his body is hot, is tingling, and he is very aware of Richard's weight on top of him. Richard's mouth is on this throat, licking hot liquid lines, and then there is teeth and tongue on his ear, and Severin cannot follow any more, he can only feel. Each new sensation makes him arch up, and Richard exhales heavily against his skin when their bodies press more firmly together. His fingers skim the bottom of Severin's shirt, slip beneath, and Severin can feel them on his stomach, light and tentative.

“Can I?” Richard's words are hot against his ear.

“Yeah, yeah.”

He sits up to let Richard peel his shirt off, and it is the first time he has properly been shirtless in front of Richard, with intent of touching instead of just quickly changing. He has one moment of striking vulnerability, his throat thick with nervousness, but then Richard's mouth is at his collarbone and Richard's fingers are stroking his chest, and Severin is distracted from such feelings.

Though Richard's touches are light, they come with a confidence that is surprising. Severin is constantly unsure about touching Richard; he never knows where the barriers are, he is always afraid of doing something wrong, his inexperience has him forever second guessing himself, but Richard seems to naturally adapt to these things. His fingers brush over Severin's nipple as he nips at his collarbone, palm smoothing down over his abs so close to his waistband that Severin's stomach contracts and heat pools downwards. He reaches for Richard's shirt if only to distract himself.

Richard sits up and pulls his own shirt over his head in one quick movement, casting it aside without thought. It is only when he catches sight of Severin's fallen expression that he freezes, his body growing smaller as he curls into himself, elbows pressing over his ribs as if he can hide the splattering of bruises that paint them. Severin swallows, forcing his eyes up to Richard's, and Richard is looking at him with a mixture of desperation and shame.

“Richie.”

“Sorry. I can keep my top on, if you want, I know it's not... Not exactly sexy. I'm sorry-”

“Stop.” Severin catches the wrist as he reaches for his shirt. He brings Richard's hand to his lips, presses a kiss over his knuckles. “You're beautiful.”

Richard looks unconvinced. Severin sits up and pulls him more firmly into his lap, holding him close.

“Honestly. You're gorgeous, perfect, it's just...”

“The bruises. They make me ugly.”

“No, no, Richie. I just don't like that someone has- That you've had to-” Severin sighs, gently stroking his thumb over one of the yellowing marks. “I don't like that you've been hurt. That's all. They don't make you any less beautiful, and you don't have to apologise for them.”

Richard's eyes glisten, and for a moment Severin is sure he is going to cry. Then he blinks, and any trace of tears are gone. Richard presses forward, kisses him hard, and they tumble back onto the bed tangled in each other.

*

It is a complete coincidence that Severin stumbles across him. He's popped out of English to go to the loo, expecting it empty with everyone in class. When he steps in and hears the sound of crying, Severin nearly steps back, closes the door, and goes to the toilet on the next floor. He does not know how to deal with crying people. He does not know how to react to this situation. Does he just pee, wash his hands, and leave? That seems awfully inconsiderate.

“Hello?”

The person crying sniffs, and then falls silent. Severin steps in to the bathroom and looks at the stalls. Only one is closed, so he addresses that door.

“Are you alright?”

There is a long pause, and Severin begins to doubt he is going to get an answer.

“Rin?”

“Richie?”

Severin hears the lock rattle, and then the door slides open a crack. He sees one of Richard's eyes in the gap, red rimmed. He immediately steps closer, wanting to eradicate any distance between them, wanting to hold Richard and stop his tears. As if sensing this, Richard opens the door wider and steps forward into Severin's waiting arms. He sobs against his chest.

“What happened?” Severin's heart is beating hard with panic. His stomach is laced with ice as a million possibilities appear in his mind. Richard shakes his head. “Richie?”

“Nothin'.”

“Why are you crying?”

“'S stupid.”

“It can't be stupid if it upset you.”

Richard pulls back fractionally and looks up at Severin with puffy, watery eyes.

“It is, though,” he says, chewing his lip, hesitating. “Mrs Adair gave us our drama feedback.”

“Did you not do well?” Severin frowns. From what he's seen, Richard is an excellent actor. He's sure that his opinion can't be entirely formed on bias.

“I guess. And any criticism was constructive, but it just made me think about all the things I did wrong, and I'm not good enough to make it, and Jim was right, I should have done a different subject, I should have done something more useful.”

Richard manages all this with only tears rolling down his face. Even when he finishes, there is a moment of blissful stillness. Then his face scrunches up, his body shakes with another sob, and he buries himself back against Severin's shoulder.

Severin is at a loss. Richard is always so bright and happy and positive, he does not know how to combat this sudden storm.

“I'm useless,” Richard whispers, muffled by Severin's shoulder. “I'm never going to make anything of myself.”

“Hey!” Severin pulls Richard back from him so he can look at his face, but once again Richard is avoiding his gaze, eyes on the floor. Severin hates when he shuts him out like that. “Hey, look at me.”

Richard does, but only for a second. Severin knows better than to ask again.

“You're incredible, Richard. You have so much passion for what you do, and you commit entirely to your characters. I adore watching you act, and what's more important is that you obviously love doing it. You said you did well-”

“It's not about that.”

“I know.”

“I just-” Richard flails his hand about, but finds no words to explain what he just.

“Okay.” Severin wipes his tears away.

“Sorry.”

“What for?”

“Got your jumper all wet.”

“It's fine.”

“Sorry.”

“Don't be. You don't have to apologise for that.” Severin smooths Richard's hair back and kisses his forehead. “If you had of text, I'd have come found you.”

“I didn't want you to see me like this,” Richard whispers to his shoes.

“Why not?”

Richard looks at him, and it is the same look that he gave when Severin first saw him topless. Severin doesn't need his words after that, he understands.

“I understand if you want space to yourself, but you know I'll always be here if you need me, yeah? You're not going to scare me off that easy,” Severin says, using his thumb to brush away the rest of Richard's tears. Richard laughs; a soggy, tearful laugh. “I'm afraid you're stuck with me.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too, Richie.”

 

 

 


End file.
